Rant! Rant rant!

Well, we have moved! Did I think it was going to be a nightmare? It was worse than a nightmare. It's the kind of nightmares the NIGHTMARES nightmare about!

The movers....ugh. Were horrible. They were incredibly slow, and only managed to move about HALF of our stuff in the time allotted. It's $145 for each additional hour, they said, and did I want to do that, to finish the job? Uh...no. I didn't. There were all of these other crazy additional fees, too. Like, "The first five stairs are free! And it's $75 dollars for each additional set of five stairs! So that'll be $225 to actually take your stuff down the steps. And let's see...we had to park really far away, so the first 75 feet are free, but after that, it's so much money every additional foot....and you're at least 150 feet away...." I nearly died. What kept me sane, though, was my friend in the primary presidency who not only showed up just to see if things were okay, but helped me wrangle a screaming Niko, PLUS filled up her pickup. Twice. While I filled up my car, twice. Yes, it was 109 degrees, and I was seven months pregnant, lugging things down our $225's worth of stairs (because the first five are free! Woo!) and we STILL didn't get done in the four hours! She saved my sanity, though, by just being there. So we ended up paying over double our estimate for movers that not only left half of our stuff there, but turned the piano UPSIDE DOWN and slid it down the cement steps with nothing underneath it. It is gouged all to heck...I'll post a picture when I can stand to take one. So. Not. Pleased.

But! Now we're here! Niko is entranced with the backyard (and the multiple ceiling fans, and the laundry, and all of the lights!) and seems to be settling in really well. Luke and I were discussing how long it would take until it really felt like home, and we think it's when we'll walk in one day and automatically drop off our keys here, kick off our shoes there, and then wander directly to the fridge for a drink. It's really a very lovely place to be, and we're happy to be here! I'm unpacking all day today, and we'll see what it looks like by evening.

THE BABY seems to be a bit of a tyrant

We live in a wasteland of cardboard boxes and half-packed lives. Niko maneuvers them deftly, picking his way through the carnage and finding Cookie Monster without a second thought. He cuddles him, and then throws him into a box. To be packed, most likely. And then he climbs in after him.

I have told him that, as a member of the family, he will be allowed to ride in the car. But alas, it doesn't seem to stir him.

So we move tomorrow! Huzzah! I can hardly believe it! On one hand, we've been looking forward to this for a very long time, and on the other, it kind of crept up on us. I don't feel quite ready, mostly because I haven't been able to pack like I wish to. Because of THE BABY. THE BABY seems to get quite angry when I am packing, and likes to warn of his/her impending arrival. This seems rather harsh to me, but who am I to challenge the will of THE BABY? I hurriedly sit down and glare at everything that is left to do.

Luke has been amazing, stepping up to the plate in every way. And yesterday his parents and brother came down, spending a couple of hours throwing things in boxes and scrubbing out the fridge. The progress that they made in such a short time was astounding! I genuinely can't express my gratitude.

I'm nervous, though, because the movers are coming later than planned, and Luke will already be at the airport. So I'll be trying to supervise movers and keep Niko from being underfoot, and placate THE BABY, who will surely get angry. Then I have a doctor's appointment, and originally Luke was going to watch Niko, but this was before all of these other plans came up. Niko will have to come with me, and will almost assuredly fall apart, kicking and screaming, while we're there. Despite the long wait, I do not look forward to tomorrow.

But the day after tomorrow! Ah! If I can just manage to get through that 24 hours, then I believe that things will really be okay! I imagine I'll look around at our life shoved into cardboard, and the house, and my son, and everything will turn out somewhat like I had hoped. I have faith in this.

Last Day Of School! I FEAR!

In fact, I fear mightily. He really enjoys it for the most part, and so do I! But he'll be starting a summer class soon, for about a month. They'll bus him in, and we'll see how it goes. His teacher is also looking into the possibility of music therapy for him, which would be wonderful, if it's offered in this area.

Meanwhile, we're moving into the The House a week from tomorrow! I can hardly wait! I'm packing like a demon while Niko's in class, and this will really be a fine thing. It is a time of change for us, and you know that I'm all about change. Niko...not so much. But as I was told today, he has shown resilience and always manages to adjust. So I should just stop worrying. There are better things to do with my time.

Like getting ready for Ninjak! Which is what we're calling the babe until it's born. Luke vetoed "Demon Seed", and looking back on it, I suppose that I can see his point. Although at the time, I found it completely appropriate. I was pretty sick. I half expected cars to levitate behind me as I walked by.

Still feeding my MST3K addiction. Last night we watched "The Killer Shrews". Sure, it was no "I Accuse My Parents" or "Prince of Space", but we laughed wholeheartedly anyway.

Because we're nothing if not classy, you know.

Somebody Has Stolen My Son. And who are The Mormons?

I don't know who this new creature is. He turned off his Elmo movie, took my hand, and led me to his bed for nap time. Half an hour early. I hear him playing with his toys and happily shrieking in glee. I tremble.

I just received emails from some of my old friends in our last city! I can't believe how good it is to hear from them! They're buying houses and having children and basically growing up. What a pleasure!

I'm still very homesick, even though I'm trying to focus on the good things around this city. There are flowers out right now, for example, and some of them are quite striking. It is very easy to find a good meal, and even a child friendly one. But this place. Argh. It is a soul killer. I am hoping that when we move into The House we'll have our own little corner of the world that is beautiful and lovely and always welcoming.

That is the plan, anyway.

Niko bit his teacher today. She had to tell me about it, but since it didn't break the skin, she didn't have to write a report. I told her I was sorry, and I was. His sharp little shark teeth can really cause some damage! But on the other hand I thought, "Hey, if he's been going to school for this long, and this is your first bite?! Lucky you!" Secretly I congratulated him in my head. Not for biting, of course, but for doing so well that biting was an anomaly.

He also likes to stick his head in the dryer and yell, "Yaaaaar!" Which is an anomaly, too, I suppose.

My writing friend Dawn and I are writing a script together for Script Frenzy. It's another offshoot of NaNoWriMo, (National Novel Writing Month) and the idea is that you write a 20,000 word script in 30 days. You can write in teams of two, if you want, which is what we're doing. It's going to be a spoof disparaging the stereotypical archetypes of literature, and it should be really fun! Which is what we're doing it for, because script writing is not to be taken seriously by us. Anyway, it will count for our monthly contest, which is great! We're all doing really well on that, and that makes me proud. You guys all know that I'm a dreamer, not a doer.

I watched the PBS special "The Mormons" and was severely disappointed. Luke and I decided that we had both expected too much out of it. Like unbiasness. The creepy, dark pictures and eerie music really was all it took to turn me off. "You come off looking like a bunch of nutters," one of my friends told me. I had to agree. Would I let a missionary in my door after watching that first program? I don't think so! We came across as mindless, sweetly naive people who blindly followed power hungry lunatics. I suppose that I should laugh, really, because it is so off the mark. Hardly anybody that they interviewed actually IS LDS, and what kind of view will a torked-off ex-member or unaffiliated historian present? I want to know where the light is. I want to know how they think so many educated, happy, and industrious people could be so easily led. That just isn't the case. But enough of that. I've ranted already to people who love me, and they treat my religion like the tender, valuable thing that it is. It is very precious to me. And really, when it comes down to it, the people I love are really the ones who matter.

Being A Quick Reader Is A Curse

I just plowed my way through the worst book.

The heroine, of course, was the obligatory soft-soul-within-tough-armor lawyer type, and her life and the life of her son was being ravaged by the twists and turns of the case. She was torn between the lover who left her behind twelve years ago, her current love interest...and some old guy who is just getting over the death of his wife enough to make goo goo eyes at her. Who to sleep with? Who to sleep with? Well, why not all three, right? Makes the decision easier.

Oh, yes, and her son was kidnapped at least twice in the book. Because that happens all of the time, you know. I can't tell you how often Niko has been kidnapped. But they always bring him back within minutes with a fruit basket and a beautifully handwritten note of apology.

So! The big meeting to draft up Niko's IEP went without a hitch yesterday. It lasted two hours and my head throbbed mercilessly by the time it was finished, but it is signed, sealed, and delivered. I was impressed at the time people took working on it, and at their dead on assessment of Niko, for the most part. It's never easy hearing all of your child's weaknesses, but we made goals to try and improve them, and that's what mattered. I think we're going to start the picture exchange up again. Gosh, I hate that. SO BADLY. But. It should help him learn words, at any rate.

We just spent a week down in Oceanside, CA for the annual Yardley family vacation. It was a lot of fun, actually, and they rented a gorgeous condo down on the beach. Niko got a real kick out of the waves, and woke up at 5:30 in the morning most of the time, clamoring to go down. As for me, you guys know that I'm not into that much togetherness. It freaks me out. But it was nice, and now we're home, and I can put Niko down for his nap and have all of the brooding solitude that I want until he wakes up. Which is what I live for. I like time to breathe.

And write my own books. Better than this one that I just read. Egads.

Jeitohpalooza!

Luke and Niko have driven off into the glorious future to attend an out-of-town graduation, and I have opted to stay behind. Because I am incredibly tired. And expecting a baby in August, surprise surprise to some of you. This and the constant running in and out of town have just exhausted me, so tonight it is Jeitohpalooza, as it is called. My scintillating, fun filled plans include....lying in bed watching Mystery Science Theatre 3000: The Dead Talk Back. Oh, and eating some ice cream. Because this is my wild night, after all.

When did I ever become so boring? ;)

Luke was playing the piano this morning, and Niko came screeching in with his accordion. You really should hear the two of them together. Wait, perhaps it would be best to not. It would just blow your mind. The Von Trapp family we ain't.

It might be another month getting into the house, which is disappointing, but all right. I need to learn patience. And yoga. Perhaps yoga will lead to patience....no, it has never worked for me in the past. I sit there and think about how inflexible I am, and how I'm wasting time standing like a tall, firm tree when really I should be kickboxing my way out of something. Some of us might not be born to really relax. Of course, I don't believe this. But I do believe that I'm really bad at it. The relaxing, I mean. And also yoga.

I realized yesterday that I had quite a few short stories that are polished and ready to send out. How daunting! How naked! But I am going to do it. I have got much better at hearing the word "No". It isn't nearly as crushing and devastating as I used to think. What a freeing thought!

A Toast

Mmmmm, Niko's first day of preschool. Here I sit, childless and happy. He was actually supposed to start yesterday, but his immunizations weren't up to date, so after six shots (sorry, son!) he's there today. He cried during his shots, of course, as I would have done if held down with needles sticking out of both arms and legs. But I bribed him with fries and chicken nuggets, and within five minutes he was his bouncy self, pointing out the stars on the Atlas in the back seat.

He was a little clingy today when I left him at the school, which surprised me just a bit. Because he's always so eager to dive into the fray and ditch his mama. So I cuddled him, and his teacher pointed out the stars in the classroom, and they were hand in hand when I said goodbye and left. I think this is a marvelous thing.

I had all of these glorious plans that I would accomplish while he was at school. Making jewelery, for example, since Niko wouldn't eat my supplies. Or refinishing the kitchen table and eventually the piano. But this first day? I am going to put my feet up and toast the world with Coke. Because. We all deserve it. We've worked hard to get here, yes we have. Cheers, babe.

We had our first meeting with our neighbors that we're buying the house from. You know, to do the paperwork, and all of that. I'm sure it would have been charming from an outsider's point of view. The four of us go to the same church and are friends, and neither had agents, so we gathered around their kitchen table while the kids all played together. Another friend from the ward, who used to be a real estate agent, showed up to explain any terminology that we had questions about. Which turned out to be a LOT, because really, the wordage to this! So my friends who had bought houses had warned me about this part, that you end up shelling out money for all of these extra things. Not us. We all looked at each other with our blue, blue eyes, joked our way through, and then ate brownies and ice cream afterward. Really cut throat.

This house is absolutely perfect, down to the Star Jasmine in the front yard. We had that on our mailbox at our old apartment in our last, beautiful city, and that tiny little thing just makes me want to smile.

Niko spent a majority of the time playing with their washer and dryer, of course. Of course. Just getting used to it before the big move next month.

Disregard My Earlier Ranting...No, Wait. Don't.

At long last! Niko starts preschool on Monday, and it is truly a miracle. I can hardly believe it, still.

One of the women in our ward is a teacher at one of the schools, and honestly, this all came about thanks to her. She made phone calls and dropped things on people's desks, and called me one day and said, "Hey, can you bring that IEP over here before 7:45 tomorrow morning?" COULD I? Of course!

She worked some magic. School is about a mile and a half away, and I plan to walk him there every morning and pick him up in the car afterward. I am so relieved. He is so ready for this step.

Niko is still fixated on the same things: washers and dryers, stars, having Cookie Monster dance on his head, that cursed Elmo, making The Grudge sounds. He has this new thing where he gets really excited and runs in place before he starts off in whatever direction. He looks like an old Flintstones cartoon when he does that. Next I expect him to walk off a cliff and continue to walk in the air, not falling until he looks down and realizes that there is nothing under him.

In other news, we just bought our first house! It is absolutely perfect, a fastidiously taken-care of, small home with a fenced in backyard and a little wooden play set. It is truly a treasure, and we should move in about a month. I, of course, am looking forward to packing and throwing out all of Luke's treasures. This is a joy to me, although not to him, naturally. He is already worried.

I will be updating this blog probably weekly, since a friend and I have vowed to do it. And I simply can't let him get the best of me, so there we go.

Warm Baby Animals

Holding my son is like holding a warm, wiggly lamb at the state fair. He balls his body up and kicks with exuberance. He likes the feel of your arms but doesn't want you to know this. Well, son, I'm onto you. You can't pull one over on me.

Preschool Hates Children

I'm sitting with my back against the wall, typing while watching Niko frolic and play in the biggest bathtub that I have ever seen in my life. We have gotten used to this apartment and all of its many quirks (like the tub in the corner of our bedroom) and can really enjoy the good things about it. Which is great, since the plan is to buy a house and blow this joint this summer.

Niko is getting taller. He's getting stronger and more savvy. When he wants peanut butter toast, he'll take my hand, walk to the cupboard, and point at the peanut butter. When he wants goldfish crackers on his plate, he'll bring the plate to me, Oliver Twist style. He still doesn't talk. He still doesn't sign anything other than "more". He definitely still doesn't go to school, a fact that makes me want to bite my tail in half and throw rotten fruit at the school building.

In fact, I'm fairly beside myself. There was this gigantic hassle about getting his IEP (Individual Education Plan) from his old school. We called that school, who said that his new school needed to call and request it, not us. We called the new school, and they said that they couldn't call and request, and that they couldn't do anything until the old school sent it to them. This sick little dance went on for months. MONTHS, I kid you not! When we finally got his IEP, we sent it to the new school which immediately lost it...twice. End result? Been here since July. It is now March and still no school, and honestly, no likelihood of it happening in the near future. Because these people are inept. INEPT, I say!

But Niko doesn't know this. He instead knows that he and Mama spend lots and LOTS of quality time together. We play ball and snuggle and he adores watching me type at the computer, which is extremely fortunate. I have been writing like crazy lately, thanks in large part to long, reminiscing emails about childhood and a writer friend who is like a pit bull when it comes to deadlines. This has been very good for me, and I enjoy it immensely. Niko recognizes these friends by their pictures and often tries to feed them delicious snacky foods. Lucky Charms, anyone?

Pypes and I have a cross country trip planned for fall. I can hardly wait. We need our wild and crazy girl time, since it recharges us for the rest of the year. I'm trying to convince her to move out here with me. Because, well, I'm lame like that. I think she and I could somehow make this dead city beautiful and alive. Or at least go down swinging.

NaNo and Knitting Needles

So.

I wrote my 50,000 words! Huzzah! I'm actually on the last scene of my novel, and plan to finish tonight or tomorrow. What an exhilarating experience! I'm more of a short story girl, so I thought, but this was really very liberating. I can't wait to go to the Writer's Block and brag, as I am wont to do. The best part, though, is that I hooked up with other writer friends, inside AND outside of my area. Luke is relieved, I think. He no longer bears the burden of being my sole conversational companion. I think he could hug all of my new friends, and thank them fervently for taking me off of his hands. Gifts for all. Some of these people I feel like I have known my whole life. Who knows, maybe I have.

Niko is doing very well. He can point, now, and will grab you by the hand and lead you to where it is that he wants to go. He can also identify stars. He'll point at them on cups, fabric, my necklaces, his chicken nuggets. "Ah ah...ah ahhhhhh," he'll say meaningfully. Yes. Stars. I'm very pleased that my own obsessions have become his own! The preschool fight still continues, naturally, but all will be accomplished by sheer force of will.

I opened the mailbox the other day, and there was a fabulous scarf that Rachel had knitted! She had tried to teach me how to knit earlier, per my request, but it aggravated me and gave me headaches. "Freakin' relaxing!" I would snarl, stabbing my needles through my yarn with a ferocity that I'm sure could have been alarming. Anyway, knitting is not my thing, apparently, but Rachel took that ravaged yarn and made something beautiful out of it. That's one of her many talents in life, and I've been wearing it ever since. She also hooked Niko up with a Cookie Monster CD, and he is a very happy little boy. And I DO have a short story where my main character kills somebody with a knitting needle. I wrote it years ago, and only just know understand why he may have felt that tendency. ;)

Luke and I have finally become real adults by buying our first couch. It's black leather, and niiiiiiiiice. We also bought an armoire to hide the TV and DVD's in. We can lock it, keeping it safe from Niko's busy, DVD/CD scratching hands and teeth. The movers brought the couch up the stairs, said it looked difficult to get through the door, and promptly left it lying in the doorway, blocking entrance to the apartment. I just stood there with Niko on my hip, thinking, "You have GOT to be kidding!" Luke and I tried to get it inside for two and half hours that night, to no avail. Darn movers were right, it was hard! But harder for a guy and a girl trying to dodge a little boy who wanted to be constantly underfoot. We threw blankets over it, left it outside for the night, and shook our fists at those blasted shirkers! "How do they sleep at night?" Luke's mom asked. "Morons," my dad said, charmingly. The next day Luke brought Boyfriend Brad, his awesome co-worker, over on their lunchbreak. They used advanced math and careful deductions to figure out that they needed to move the couch back down the stairs, flip it, bring it up, and by applying the proper leverage, etc etc etc. Being married to a genius is still mindboggling! End result: I'm sitting on our fabulous couch typing on the computer, instead of lying on the floor like a child! Brad said that he and Luke should start their own Smart Guyz moving company. "Our logo," he said, hands on his hips in indignation, "shall be 'We Will Not Leave Your Furniture Outside Of Your House In This Treacherous City. Especially If You Are A Woman With A Baby On Your Hip." Succint, but I'd hire them.

I'm mixing CDs for my friends. One of my joys in life! And I'm listening to Christmas music as I do so. Hand me a coke, and I could die happy.

Wonder of Wonders! Miracles of Miracles!

I can't believe it happened! The biggest, craziest, most insane statistical fluke that could ever happened has occurred! I am besides myself!
I received a phone call from my mother last night. We're from a small town, and usually identify ourselves by our County because at least maybe somebody has heard of THAT. People in our own state don't recognize the name of our teeny, tiny little towns! Well, while Mom was at work, she started talking to somebody who lives just ten miles away from where I grew up, and this person has a child a year younger than Niko with Williams! My mother, bless her heart, flew over to her desk and came back with a picture of Niko. "My grandson has Williams!" she said. The girl was shocked. Mom was shocked. I was shocked! Just think! This obscure little syndrome that nobody has ever heard of...has struck twice in the same area! I'm thrilled. I hope we have a chance to hook up at some point and talk about some of the things that our fabulous kids are going through. Does her child have heart problems? Hypercalcemia? She and my mother already established her child's pointy teeth and tendency to bite. I called Mom up this morning and asked her to suggest what we call the Anti-Bite necklace. It's a thick cord that Niko wears around his neck with a teething toy on it like a pendant. That way he always has something to chew...besides the tender flesh of others. This is cloud nine, people. This gives me much hope.

Murphy's Law

Well, we moved in a flurry of frenzied activity in July. And after living in FOUR hotels and THREE apartments, we have finally committed, at least for ten months, to the tiny, ancient little apartment that we're living in now. Our dishes don't fit in the narrow cupboards. The first time I did laundry the dryer scorched holes in our clothes. The toilet automatically flushes itself about once an hour...very disconcerting. But we're here, and I think we'll be happy, and Luke loves his new, mysterious job. He comes home just beaming. Niko and I...not so much. We're still traversing through towers of half-packed boxes, trying in vain to find things like my address book, Niko's toys...our telephone. But we're making headway every day, and this Sunday we'll go to our new church for the first time and hopefully hook in with some buddies. It's killing Niko not to have our friends fawn all over him. He runs up to every effeminate guy he sees, thinking it's Jason, but alas! He's a lone boy with nobody but Mommy and Daddy for company, and even three year olds know that's not cool! I'm trying desperately to get him into a hospital (losing weight, gagging on familiar foods, scratching himself bloody) but it's not working yet. I'm also girding up my loins to start the Preschool Crusade again, but I don't think I'm mentally strong enough yet! The good news is that I signed up for a creative writing course, which I'm thrilled about. I've been doing quite a bit of writing lately, and it feels great. I also signed up for NaNoWriMo...that's National Novel Writing Month, for those of you sane enough not to know what it is. You know me and a challenge. 50,000 words in a month? Heck ya!

We're outta here!

Hey! We moved! Once Luke got the offer, we took off incredibly fast. Now we're in a new place, getting settled in. We're having a fabulous time thus far! Though I can tell Niko misses his old friends. Especially Marilyn and Jason. He runs to everybody that looks even remotely like them, and holds out his arms to be picked up. He has absolutely no fear of strangers. He takes the hands of anybody close enough to grab. Which is okay, I think. Almost everybody seems happy to have a smiley little boy trying to hug them. But of course I keep an extremely close eye on him. You can't work at some of the places that I have and not suspect the worst in people.

Ode to the Hospital

June 1

How time flies. When I was a kid, June meant EVERYTHING. The beginning of summer, the end of school, long days playing out in the yard. Now I'm like, "Oh, is it June?" Waiting for Niko's bus again. This is the way to do it, with my trusty journal by my side! Catch up and enjoy being outside at the same time. Luke applied for a job in a different city, and chances look pretty good that he'll get it. Today I went to the hospital to pick up Niko's meds, and I kind of took a look around. I thought, "Hmmm, one of these days, one of these trips might be my last." The murals on the walls and the animal statues...they're so familiar! This hospital is just as much a part of Niko's life as church, or his developmental school, or the playground. When you anticipate your child's life experiences, you don't usually think of hospital walls, but sometimes that's the way it is. These people have made a big difference in our lives. You just can't forget that.

Nikolai on the Bus

May 30

I'm sitting on our steep stone steps in the sun. The best part, though, is that I'm our here waiting for Niko to come home ON THE BUS. I drove him in and out for about a week. Then one day I left my car at his school and rode home on the bus with him. He held onto me with both hands and screamed for about ten minutes. That night a neighbor drove me back to pick up my car. The next day we did it again. He held on with one hand and screamed for about two minutes. Next time, my Dad was here. I hid and watched, and Dad rode with Niko. We did that a few more times, and then we both hid and watched the teachers put Niko on the bus alone. (Well, except for Cookie Monster, of course!) As soon as the bus took off, Dad and I zipped home in the car and greeted Niko at his triumphant return! Now Niko does it all by himself without any problems, and I'm happy and proud of him. It gives me 40 more minutes that I'm not driving him in and out to his school, which agreed to keep him until the end of the summer. What a relief.

Foppish Cocktail Parties

May 10

Niko's third birthday party went well. The cake was, of course, a marvelously designed masterpiece. Luke's a natural. Preppy clothes were given to us by family, fun things from our friends. Niko pinwheeled around the room like a giddy, slightly drunken host at a foppish cocktail party. He is a very loved little boy. Pinwheel all you like, son.

Preschool is another matter. After multiple scheduled and rescheduled appointments, we finally found a school. (Most schools felt they weren't a good fit for Niko.) His first day at his new school, he had a complete meltdown and screamed for two hours. The teacher called and asked me to come pick up my son, and that she didn't think this school was right for him. I'm at wit's end.

The Note Pinned to my Son's Back

Remember in kindergarten when the teacher would pin notes to your back so your parents would be sure to get them? This poem was inspired by a walk around the lake with Marilyn.



The Note Pinned To My Son’s Back

In case of emergency, please take me with you. I am almost two years old. I can’t have calcium. The vein on my right arm looks like a great one, but really it’s a roller. Please inform the phlebotomist.

I love my Cookie Monster. I like to lay on him and make him laugh. I like to bite his fur off. I like to shake him and knock his eyes against my forehead. I like to have my arms around him when I sleep.

I still put things in my mouth. I like to lick noses. When I’m angry, sing David Bowie songs to me and dance a little bit. Maybe I will laugh.

I need five doses of medicine a day. I will brush my own teeth. I love things that spin. I always keep my eyes open during prayer. I can clap my hands. I can snort. I think that’s how people communicate.

I can crawl. I wear corrective booties to keep my bones aligned. I can’t talk. I can’t walk. I can’t run.

So in case of emergency, please take me with you.

Ghosts of the Past and Present

Niko and I went home to see the family for a few weeks. I saw people that I haven't seen in years, some who read this blog (hi, Em and Sue!) and others that didn't know anything was up with my son, or that I had a son, or even that I was married. It's always so strange to go home, and see the places that I grew up. I have changed so much since then! I see the old back trails where I used to ride my bike, or the Coal Haul Road where my inseparable friend, '80, and I used to walk and talk. She died a few years ago, quite suddenly, and it always especially hurts to see the things that remind me of her, which is pretty much everything. I thought of all the jokes that nobody else would ever get, because they were between '80 and I. Has it ever occurred to you that when you keep a joke between just two people, when one of them leaves, that hilarious and witty thing that you used to giggle about just decays into a rotted powder. It's never funny again. Much better to have a third person in on it, so that there will be somebody who can keep it alive with you. Thank goodness Feathers was in on so many...they still glitter whenever I talk to him.

Anyway, time for a little Niko progress report! He is doing really, really well, maybe better than I ever thought I'd see. He'll be three soon, and transfer out of his birth to three program into preschool. It's a challenge finding one that works, really. I find that I have to fight for every little thing. I see the risk of a school taking a child with such a extensive medical history, but he is a little boy and deserves to be accepted and taught just like everybody else. We put the new pattibobs (shoe inserts) into his shoes, and his left leg stopped turning out almost immediately. I think it will really help him. He's very vocal! No words, yet, but definite growls, buzzes, sounds for "yes", etc. Even without words, he manages to make most of his wishes known. His meds are down to two 2ml doses of propranol a day, and 1.8 ml of Ferrus Sulfate. No Zantac! He's been off of that for two or three months now. He drinks three bottles of cow's milk a day, and we're working on Sippy Cups. He'll take a quick sip or two now, instead of rejecting them immediately. He still prefers purees for dinner, but will eat off of our plates. He loves to play on the piano, carefully with only one finger instead of banging with his hands like most kids. He can work an accordian. He knows that if he hands us a flute, recorder, or a harmonica, something magical will happen, but he won't blow on them himself. (I finally tossed the kazoos. Who honestly wants to be handed a kazoo a million times a day?!) Niko's getting really tall, much taller than the average William's kid. Ha ha! Those are MY genes coming into play, I think. He's still very affectionate. He still sleeps with his arm around Cookie. He's (mostly) stopped biting people. He is pulling his "I'm in charge here!" Tsar Nikolai persona more and more often. That always makes me smile.

All's Well With the World

You know those days when all is well with the world? Well, today is one of those days. Niko turns three soon, so we're doing that exhausting search for the right preschool. I'm not one of those die-hards that think if he doesn't get in the right preschool, that will screw up his chance for elementary, middle school, high school, and college. But I don't want the teachers to hang from the chandelier and set themselves on fire, as teachers are wont to do, so I am told. So we're looking. Appointments and phone calls and emails...blah. But today. Ah, today, I blew all of that off. I gave myself five phone calls to make, and when that was done, I bundled up my giggling little boy and we had a grand morning of it. I dressed up, and Niko looked debonair. We ran errands, rode in carts, touched all the soft and slightly crispy fabrics in the craft store. I bought jewelry making supplies and a yard and a half of beautiful black and white fabric for a skirt. Everything was funny. Every move I made was fascinating, every expression he made was adorable, every song was the best one ever sung. I lifted him into the car, snuggled him, and told him that his company was a pleasure. I called my parents to tell them what a great day it was. Niko sat in his high chair, giggling as I hemmed my new skirt, and looked properly appreciative (so I thought) when I showed it off. Marilyn and Jason came over to watch America's Next Top Model and we laughed and booed at the TV and begged Nikolai not to turn it off. Then we all sang to him, prayed, and put him to bed. Tomorrow, of course, it's back to the grind. Wake up, go to Niko's school. Purchase his new shoe inserts...he's out of the corrective boots but still needs a little extra help for alignment.` Snacks are always a pain...I hold up a chart with pictures, and he takes the one of the snack he wants, hands it to me, and then I hand him the goldfish cracker, or the piece of toast, or the bottle. Both physical therapy and speech therapy. But tomorrow night, I'll go for a good, three mile run. I'll listen to Russian pop (great beat) and heavy guitar driven alternative, and I will run run run until everything is great again, and I'll have this wonderful feeling, that all's well with the world, just like how I feel today.