Monday, March 13, 2006


January 27, 2006

Niko's screaming bloody murder in his crib. He has reason to, because we had a really scary experience today. While at his school, during snack time, I was fixing Niko's milk (real milk!)when his therapist called my name. I looked, and Niko's face was really red, and his throat was moving, but there was absolutely no sound. It was like watching somebody throw a fit in mute, bizarre and terrifying. I ran over to him, pulled him out of his chair and held him around his stomach, legs dangling. He threw up, and started to cry, so Heather and I stripped him down and I cuddled him while he put his head on my shoulder and just sobbed. Poor little scared Niko...we dressed him in some clothes donated to the school and cuddled until he perked up and was interested in his surroundings again. He was choking on a goldfish cracker, same cracker that he loves and eats every day. Part of me wants to throw my hands up in the air because everything seems like you take two steps forward and then one or two or three steps back. But we have worked too long, too hard, and with such love that I refuse to lose him, especially to something as lame as choking. No, this boy will have a long, happy, and fulfilling life, filled with friendly faces, music, and so much love that he can just bask in it, even if I have to provide it by sheer force of will. And that's simply the way it's going to be.

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