Thursday, February 26, 2009

Falling Off the High Wire

I don't know how to balance. I want to be Mom, I want to be Special Needs Advocate. I want to be Writer and Wife and Young Women's Leader. Friend. Daughter. Sister. I want to be The Nice Person in Line. I want to be the Go-To Girl. I want to pick up the slack if you are unable to. I want to make your life better somehow.

I'm not insane enough to think that I can do it perfectly. I'm not even tempted to try! I just want to do my best, and shouldn't that be good enough? That said, I have cried every single day, at least twice, for the last four days. I'm used up. I'm worn out.

And...just as I wrote that, Niko fought his way into my lap, and Nina gave me a open-mouthed kiss on the cheek. I think they're telling me that I'm doing something right. :)

5 comments:

Rachel said...

Ah, this is - aside from your wardrobe, of course - why I think we are friends. So alike in this way!

Does it help to know that you *are* all those things? And amazingly so? I am in awe, my friend. If nothing else, your children are right - you are their hero.

Take a deep breath! You're doing great things.

(Also? I love reading the "word verification" words whenever I comment on certain blogs. They're so often hilarious. At this moment, for instance, the word is "prodlent". I'm totally going to use that in a sentence tomorrow!)

Ketchesons said...

You are doing the best you can be doing, you are giving your family love. Everything will fall in place. Maybe put on that red lipstick and your high heels and sweep the room, or make dinner or read the kids a book. Magic will happen.

Laura Oler said...

I'm so glad you sometimes post things like this because so often you are managing everything so well that it almost depresses me! No, I really am more impressed than depressed -- I love how you follow your dreams, take care of your family, work for Nikko, etc. But it's nice to know we all have these days. Right now I'm fighting the urge to crawl back in bed and stay there until the baby comes (not a good idea, since I probably have at least 2-3 weeks -- all my babies have been late). I can at least make it to naptime, right?!

Mrs. Cheeseball said...

So many people love you! And so many of us think you are a super star. Seriously. You are. Don't forget it.

Janyece said...

Aww... That is so sweet! Being a mom can be so rewarding at times, but yeah. It's hard work too! How come no one told us that?? Good luck balancing things. I wish I could be there to help!!