Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Definition of Joy

Today is the first time in a long time that I have the chance to kind of kick back and enjoy the kids. Nothing on the agenda until tonight's Young Women's activity, so I'm cleaning the house and playing Tile Towers for Niko on Webkinz.com while Nina naps.

Princess Pretty Fingers has her first birthday tomorrow, and I think how much things have changed in a year. How did our family ever get by without her? She loves. That's what she does, and she's the best at it, and she loves her little heart out. We're so lucky.

Niko's having a positive moment right now, but his tantrums have been...wow. Like the tantrums of old, except with new twists. Now he's banging his head against things. The floor, people. He's started pushing and hitting. This is all new behavior, and I'm ready to pull out my hair. Is this typical learned behavior? Is there something more sinister behind it? That's what is wearying me lately, this constant looking over my shoulder to see if there is more that I should be aware of.

I finished my "humorous horror", and what's even better is that I like it! I submitted it last night. I'd like today to be a writing day, since I'm midway through a new novel, but we'll see how it goes. I had a writing epiphany the other day. I was reading about an author who's first novel became a best seller, and he was describing the fear that his sophomore attempt wouldn't do as well. And I thought, does that fear ever go away? Is there a point where you ever truly "make it" as a writer? And I thought, no, most likely not. But I genuinely enjoy the process. I love writing, I like when it comes easily to me. If it isn't coming fairly easy, then after a while I scrap it and work on a new, fun idea with a spark of life. I have the luxury of doing that because I don't have deadlines, I don't have contracts. This is a time of freedom for me, and perhaps I'll never publish anything beyond a few short stories here and there, but do you know what? I think that I'll be happy with that. The writing itself, the submitting and the like, it's just a joy. And what are we searching for if not joy?

3 comments:

Agnes Minerva said...

Oh, I love this post. It just warms my heart that you and your little family are out there having your quiet moments and your shenanigans, too. You have no idea how much I've always admired your ability to write - and I don't mean the quality of your writing, though that's fabulous, too - just the ability to *be in the process*, to write and write and write your heart out, and then send all that energy and effort out into the big world to do what it will do.

And, of course, a great big Happy Birthday to Nina - I cannot beLIEVE a year has gone by, that was so fast!

Janyece said...

You are just plain awesome! Thanks for this post!

Andrea, Mrs. said...

WHAT!!!!!!! She's one already? Oh my gosh! No way........

How are you doing? Physically? I mean, I can't believe how fast things have gone this past year.

You are, and always will be, one of my favorite writers. I simply admire your writing and wish I had half the creativity and ability to use words that you do.