Thursday, January 29, 2009

Two Ships Passing in the Night

That's what Luke called us. As soon as he gets home tonight, I'm running for the door. He'll actually be running for the door, too, but he has to bring the kids along, since Leader Training takes precedence over Church Ball, the Brawl that Begins with Prayer. Maybe if he has the kids, he won't manage to get hurt this time.

Actually, I'm not holding out too much hope for that. :P

I've been throwing myself into researching agents lately. It's hard work, quite honestly. It feels like I'm in college again, working on research papers where you have to familiarize yourself, and make notes and document. It's something so daunting, but it's becoming easier. I'm definitely getting a handle on it. I want to work hard and make sure that I'm picking agents that fit well so that I'm not wasting anybody's time.

Nina's coming down with a cold. She's pink cheeked and runny nosed and super snuggly. "Uppa, uppa," she says, and holds her arms out. I realize that I'm missing Niko right now. He has been so sweet lately, really taking on the big brother role. Nina goes to put something strange in the dryer, and Niko will take it from her and bring it to me. Never mind that just three weeks ago, HE was the one that wanted the tennis ball in the dryer, oh no! He's outgrown that. He's a man now. Tennis balls don't go in the dryer. He's become the Dryer Nazi.

Still no speaking. Still no sounds. I'm frustrated at his regression. I'm frustrated that nobody has brought it up to me. Where are his "mamama's" and his "dadada's" that he used to do at 18 months, but he won't do now? I dislike the idea that he is "trapped" in this body. In fact, I fight against that quite a bit. He expresses himself. We can figure out what he wants. But maybe I'm in denial. Maybe he really does wish to tell me things that I can't figure out. Maybe he saw something at school that he would like me to explain, but he can't ask me about it. It's too much to think about sometimes.

So I'll focus on the fact that he is extremely loved, and I can tell that he knows it. Speech will come; we'll just have to keep working and praying and hoping.

1 comment:

Inkpot said...

Keep praying and loving Niko, that is the best you can do for him. It sounds like he is making himself understood without words, and that is brilliant.

Good luck with the agent hunt. I know what it's like. :)