Monday, May 19, 2008


I talked to Niko's principal on the phone this morning, explaining why I called the school district. It eventually boils down to: No matter what it was that they INTENDED, the message that I received was "Niko is unwelcome." That message nearly undid me, and I am a strong woman. I needed somebody to talk to them so that somebody else doesn't feel the way that I felt. I certainly don't plan to pursue it any farther.

So there's two and a half weeks of school left. Luke feels that Niko should finish school there, and I feel that would be sending him into a hostile environment. I honestly don't know what to do. But isn't that usually the case? How much time do we spend honestly not knowing what to do? Next year he transfers to a different school anyway for kindergarten.

It's 107 degrees here today, which is inhumane. Nina is wearing a little red skirt with stars, and Niko has been so happy, and hasn't had any pain medication since last night. I bought these incredible dark purple stilettos the other day, and my goal tonight is to paint my toenails. You know, after everything else is done. That's been my goal since last Wednesday. Ah well.

I currently have seven pieces out. I'd like to have ten, including soliciting an agent for my novel this week. Such lofty dreams have I. But now that everything is settling down, these things aren't too far fetched. Hurrah!

This thing with the school, and Niko's leg, and the thing at church. It had become all consuming. It was like Niko was a baby again, and every day was spent falling asleep next to him at the hospital. It was like I told the principal. There is no day off. We are always working on something with him. There is no relief, so when school, which we count on to aid us, becomes part of the problem, it's almost unbearable.

I don't want to be this type of mother. I don't want to always be fighting. I would much rather focus on watching Niko and Nina playing together, or take them for walks. I would rather cuddle my children than set them down so that my hands are free for battle. I want to work on letting all of this go.

I want to be who I really am.


Katie said...

You are so brave, i am ashamed at my own inability to stand up for myself and my son.
Hope the weather cools off for you.

Julie said...

You are very strong. We could use some of your warm weather. Today was 58 but with the wind it felt like 48.

Amy said...

That last paragraph is amazingly well put. I think you said what I am heading towards in my mind. I hate dealing with all the Williams stuff, it makes me weary. I just to want to be...anything other then consumed by my daughter's genetic syndrome.